Pop culture wishes for 2011

Ah, the end of a year. That time when everyone makes predictions and rehashes all the stories we had to hear way too much about. This is not what I think will happen in 2011, but what I’d like to see.

Diddy gets punked
Once you’ve become a parody of yourself, people will believe anything. I want this guy to get on a plane, land in Tokyo 12 hours later and find out that for half a day, the whole world has started calling him by his latest new name. Imagine his confusion at a gaggle of Japanese reporters shouting, “Diddy Snugglepuss! Diddy Snugglepuss! What brings you to Tokyo?”

Country crossover backlash
I don’t care where the backlash comes from, but it needs to happen hardcore. Country artists were once relegated to their own media and their own charts. Hide Taylor Swift, Lady Antebellum, et al, under a hoop skirt and twist em around until they’re so disoriented they don’t even realize we’re sneaking them back into Nashville, far far away from the fiery hot glow of the national pop spotlight.

An incredible redemptive act by Mel Gibson
People are beyond accepting that he’s a complex human being with both good and bad qualities. I’d like to him do a completely spontaneous and heroic act. Bonus points if it defies public perception of him. For example, “Bar Mitzvah almost ends in tragedy, surprise hero saves 22 from sinking yacht.” I’m not talking about a comeback, I’d just love see how the everything-is-black-and-white tabloid media and pop culture consumers would react to something like that.

Glee goes dark
In the pilot of Nip/Tuck, a drug kingpin murdered a child molester in the operating room and left the doctors to dispose of the body--which they did by swaddling the corpse in spiral cut hams and feeding him to gators in the Everglades. That’s a bit of the old Ryan Murphy--“for the love of god WHY” darkness, not “in this very special episode” darkness.

Sarah Palin becomes a media hermit
The media isn’t about to ignore this famewhore, therefore her fame must reach critical mass. Give the bitch so much of what she wants that she chokes on it. She needs an Alaska-sized, so-overexposed-that-everyone-resents-you-for-being-overexposed dose of fame’s downside. Clearly we’re incapable of ignoring this dragon so let’s keep feeding it until it’s so fat it can’t get out of its cave.

Law and Order SVU goes out in a blaze of glory
It’s hard to imagine this trashtacular show could jump the shark any more than it already has, but I would like to see them try. We’ll need a bevy of washed up 90s stars, hell, reunite the cast of an old show, like Blossom, plus an underground society of rapists perpetrating a major conspiracy, illicit hookups between the main characters, death of a main character and CGI of Jerry Orbach reprising his role from the original Law and Order. Cram it all into one “explosive” series finale.

Also:

Groundbreaking ruling from the FTC puts product placement in jeopardy

Former contestants file a class action suit against The Biggest Loser

Stephen Fry does a guest arc on House

Will Smith’s kids ‘divorce’ their father and decide to live as normal children

American Idol is canceled but not before Steven Tyler inadvertently says something obscene on the air and J Lo scolds him “You can’t say [blank] on the air! This is a live show!”

Three words: "the Facebook murders"